Was I depressed in past due to the fact that my identical twin sister – apparently my twin flame or twin soul (even closer than a soul mate) – died shortly after birth? Did I pick up on my Mom’s emotions/energy after losing one of her daughters (my twin sister) and almost another, i.e., me? Did she experience postpartum depression? If so, did I or could I possibly have inherited a genetic predisposition to depression?
Did my parents or my Dad wish for a boy after having two girls? ("It's a girl!" again!!) Was I, due to being premature, in an incubator too long, withheld from my parent’s love, attention, and affection? (One cause of death in babies is a lack of affection.) Did I lack oxygen in my first moments of birth?
How could any of these factors have affected me?
More recently, could I have felt blue due to two work colleagues who left within the same week, and the director the following week (and all the ramifications associated with that, too many to mention here)? Could I feel like my soul isn’t growing like I’d like it to? Could I feel sad 'cause I feel to blame and bad about my dream or vision not being fulfilled?
I suspect these points in particular, especially the last one is closer to the truth for me as I remembered that I felt somewhat similar last year when my non-traditional, co-creative children’s choir didn’t come to fruition. I truly believe that the expectation(s) and the potential downfall, i.e., fear of failure brought me spiralling down. Yes, even before I realized that at least two children had registered this year!
Since my last blog posting, have you or anyone you know come to terms with any possible reasons for your (past/current) depression?
By the way, I did come out of my funk about two weeks after my previous posting and started to sing again and dance too - quite a bit lately - as well as wear bright(er) colours which I love, such as in the photo above. (Not the greatest photo of me; however, I was imitating one of the "Laughing Sculptures" - how appropriate! - located at the foot of English Bay in Vancouver. Yes, that's actually the name of the set of sculptures!)
NEXT POSTING: Stay tuned as to how I came out of my depression.
Side note: During the BrainSolutions Conference this weekend in Vancouver, Dr. Daniel Amen, an expert on brain enhancement stated that, other than the severely depressed, the effect of antidepressants is similar to placebos. A similar conclusion was made by the research findings of Dr. Irving Kirsch, Associate Director at Harvard Medical School where he indicates that antidepressants have little or no effect than that of placebos. (See page 12 in the August issue of common ground magazine.) Mind boggling don't you think?!